Lingshan

I struggled with this book through 4 years of college. Each year I stopped at a different page. Each year I tried again. I never went past a quarter of the book. There was no defined storyline. No characters to follow. But there were passages that flourished dazzlingly. The pictures of primitive metasequoia forests, giant panda reserves and ancient civilisations on the banks of the Yangtze shone through with a sunlit brilliance.

Eight years have passed since I had this book in my hands for the first time. And now reading it again after so many years the passages wrap around me like mist in an alpine forest. Passages I had forgotten seem to surround me and cloud any clarity I had managed to achieve. There are passages that capture the essence of some of the most intense parts of my life. Reading the book is like revisiting familiar parts of a dimly lit street where every observation is keenly etched in the poor light.

"But why have I come to this mountain? Is it to experience life in a scientific research camp such as this? What does this sort of experience mean to me? If it's just to get away from the problems I was experiencing, there are easier ways. Then maybe it's to find another sort of life. To leave far behind the unbearable perplexing world of human beings. If I'm trying to be a recluse why do I need to interact with other people? Not knowing what one is looking for is pure agony. Too much analytical thinking, too much logic, too many meanings! Life has no logic, so why does there have to be logic to explain what it means.? Also, what is logic? I think I need to break away from analytical thinking, this is the cause of all my anxieties."

- Gao Xingjiang, Soul Mountain

I am inspired in spurts to cover various passages from the book in multiple posts. Then gradually that inspiration ebbs and flows. Nothing is constant with me and that's given me more than my shares of problems. Maybe I will come around to it gradually.