stay peaceful...

That happened to be a piece of advice i'd given a person who consumed all my thoughts for a certain period of my lifetime. Miniscule but a certain non-zero, positive amount of time in my lifetime.

Peace: that ever elusive ever sought after and delusional thing. Once you have it, you go bored. And when you don't have it, its the only thing you can think of.

Yesterday the weather was strange. Yes cool breeze along with lightning brought much needed relief in the early evening, but as night came along the cool breeze wasn't cool anymore. There was an overhanging sense of gloom encompassing everything. Like on of those impregnable claustrophobic silences.

Wonderwall is such a lovely song. I'm listening to it right now. Its like this mantra. The song is like a chant with music interspersed. Its singable and nice. The vocals aren't difficult so i can do it pretty decently. And theres always this thing about songs you can do decently. They make your list of favourites rightaway, as if on a wildcard entry.

I'm stranded in death week with not much in favour of me. My exams are something like 5-6 days off and i still am not in the groove. I still haven't gotten absorbed by my books in totallity. I'm going crazy and frustrated about it. It's always very irritating when you know you have to study and you can't and you know that you just HAVE to. I WASted time like anything yesterday. Slept through the morning, watched a movie in the afty and then slept again. Then i fell in love with the heroine- Perizaad Zorabian. She's driven me nuts too many times now. Evening i did some decent mugga but now again i'm back here on blogspot.com doing crap!

Lets cut loose now.( And oh i think i've found a me gal!...;-) )

Kshitij 05

The stuff that follows is the way i felt after Kshitij 2005 got over. Its been quite sometime since. But today i was suddenly into deja vu mode. Exactly at 9 p.m. i realized how i miss the urgency to hurry to the Gymkhana for meetings. And how we'd go there, get bored and curse our heads. How until the fest had come (atleast for us first-timers), it was such a lot of anticipation. We had NO idea how its like when the fest begins running. At times we'd express our impatience. But once it began it was like a dream, and before we got time to pause and take a few breaths i was walking back from something that was over. Something that signalled the end of a very intense and deep chapter of my life. Now all we have is some photographs and that is all...

I walked a very lonesome walk back from Vikramshila right now. Its 4 a..m. in the morning, it’s a foggy winters night. Yes I know it’s stupid to get sentimental. But I’m no machine. It was the lst time I did something, and the last time I’ll ever do it. I feel sad. It’s like losing the force that drove you for such a long while. You feel weightless and lost, you float around for a while.

I remember EVERYTHING, right from the moments of some company confirming the sponsorship deal, to losing out on a big sponsor, to the first batch of participants arriving, doing decoration work, getting on top of the stalls to fix the Kshitij logos, sleeping in the arena. The memories are still afresh. Yes they will fade with time, but I know for sure that these have been the best moments of my life. Something so much more greater than the regular life I live. And I’m sure its been the same for everyone. I know I’ve been very helpful many times. But so’s everyone. Working in a team, where you know everyone’s worked they’re asses off is a privilege. Most importantly the feeling that you know that you’re not the only one giving EVERY ounce of yourself for the fest, everyone on the team is doing just the same, is overwhelming.

The arena looked absolutely empty last night. Everybody had left, it was all over. Over the past six months we worked with all our hearts for the fest. Over the past six months I made new friends, got to know new people and found some to be amazing. Hope I never lose touch with them, hope we keep in touch and remain together. “that which we are, we are; One equal temper of heroic hearts…”

Building the fest is just one small aspect of the whole thing, the fest is gone just as it HAD to. I guess we all knew it but never thought in that line. But to me all the other things count very much and if anything else I don’t want to lose all that.

on a breezy summers evening...

Strolling on my terrace on a windy summers evening is deja vu in such a big way. Its been so long since i've been here. Home has never been the same again, neither has Cal unaltered. So much has changed. Once upon a time this was HOME. Everything was here, my whole world centered here. Now after moving out its like you've been divided between two places. One world is college and friends and the other is a shrunken one with home and half kept friendships.

Theres so much thats happened in the months that've passed since i last blogged. Yes i finally convinced myself that Rai is over and done with. I can't and shall never dig up the ugly past that concerns her. I realized how difficult it is to find a sane female in life. And i succumbed to the insurmountable barrier of the 116 km.s that separate home and college. I realized that as long as i'm there i possibly can never have a relationship with the typical JU-Presi types in Cal. They require too much time and attention. And they, having extremely short attention spans, require constant prodding. And if you lose speed for even a nano-second they're onto someone else.

Other than that, this weekend we had our Kshitij grand treat. Came down frm Kgp in a bus to Cal. All 32 of us. Aquatica and then BAR-B-Q on Park Street, followed by chocolate sundaes at One-Step-Up, tonga rides by Victoria and an evening walk on the maidan. It was the perfect day. By evening i got philosophical and sento and Vishal and i begun indulging in antellectual talk. I realized that theres so much good food in this world and yet it isn't all so different. I realized that when you have all the money to buy you everything around, it gets boring.

Bangalis you will see suffer amazing transformations. They are very capable at morphing from a political genius to a poet, and from a hopeless romantic to an ardent football fan. All it takes is that cha at the para'r cha-er dokan or a glimpse of ppl playing ball on the maidan or it may take an open starlit sky or cool breeze on a summer evening. I myslef suffer from the same ailment and tho maybe the catalysts triggereing the transformations are different the final products are absolutely same.

....Summer's coming up and with 2.5 months of free time on my hands i've worried myself to death about what to do. I decided i'll try and earn some money. Do some job, anything that'll increase my bank balance. Atleast a new experience in my kitty and maybe a new kindled interest too. Yes i'm also banking on the summer to find me a sane gal in this huge metropolis of lunatics. Joe Satriani is coming to town on the 15th of May, but i don't know how to go about arranging for a ticket. I think i shall have to shelve my plans for a trip to the mountains this time round, though since all of these are plans all of these risk falling through. And i hope, godwilling it will turn out to be a good summer.

-well thats all i guess....