Kshitij 05

The stuff that follows is the way i felt after Kshitij 2005 got over. Its been quite sometime since. But today i was suddenly into deja vu mode. Exactly at 9 p.m. i realized how i miss the urgency to hurry to the Gymkhana for meetings. And how we'd go there, get bored and curse our heads. How until the fest had come (atleast for us first-timers), it was such a lot of anticipation. We had NO idea how its like when the fest begins running. At times we'd express our impatience. But once it began it was like a dream, and before we got time to pause and take a few breaths i was walking back from something that was over. Something that signalled the end of a very intense and deep chapter of my life. Now all we have is some photographs and that is all...

I walked a very lonesome walk back from Vikramshila right now. Its 4 a..m. in the morning, it’s a foggy winters night. Yes I know it’s stupid to get sentimental. But I’m no machine. It was the lst time I did something, and the last time I’ll ever do it. I feel sad. It’s like losing the force that drove you for such a long while. You feel weightless and lost, you float around for a while.

I remember EVERYTHING, right from the moments of some company confirming the sponsorship deal, to losing out on a big sponsor, to the first batch of participants arriving, doing decoration work, getting on top of the stalls to fix the Kshitij logos, sleeping in the arena. The memories are still afresh. Yes they will fade with time, but I know for sure that these have been the best moments of my life. Something so much more greater than the regular life I live. And I’m sure its been the same for everyone. I know I’ve been very helpful many times. But so’s everyone. Working in a team, where you know everyone’s worked they’re asses off is a privilege. Most importantly the feeling that you know that you’re not the only one giving EVERY ounce of yourself for the fest, everyone on the team is doing just the same, is overwhelming.

The arena looked absolutely empty last night. Everybody had left, it was all over. Over the past six months we worked with all our hearts for the fest. Over the past six months I made new friends, got to know new people and found some to be amazing. Hope I never lose touch with them, hope we keep in touch and remain together. “that which we are, we are; One equal temper of heroic hearts…”

Building the fest is just one small aspect of the whole thing, the fest is gone just as it HAD to. I guess we all knew it but never thought in that line. But to me all the other things count very much and if anything else I don’t want to lose all that.