Longing

Suddenly longing for something in the past. Strangely it's like a memory from some book mixed with bits of my past. Something I'd read somewhere, enjoyed immensely, seen myself in the shoes of the protagonist and lived his life. Experiencing the longing he felt, the yearning of a time lost. A time that's lost permanently. This huge shades of the city the story is set in. Something that lends distinctive shades to the feelings. Strangely it's a city I've never visited properly and am/used to be (?) heavily prejudiced about!

There's something about cities. They fascinate me. Not in terms of the fast pace or the perks of urban living. More to do with the mix of people drawn to a city, some there by accident, some by choice, each with a different agenda , crossing and contrasting each others paths and all striving towards some common goal.

At times I feel like I'm an observer standing separate from this mass movement, watching the smallest of things. The passing glance, the deepest of judgements in the most fleeting moments. And other times I'm part of the mass. Riding the highs and lows of all the emotional waves. There are times I end up yearning to be a part of this crowd. Yearning to feel strongly, passionately about someone, something. The perennial quest for reason and meaning manifesting itself? Often ending up associating people, cities to these feelings and then the emotions come flooding through.

Gaah! Such random thoughts can only be attributed to proximity of exams. Back to illusions of a salvageable situation.